Dear Miles,

This is an addition to my blog. Yay.
Recently, I've been having to confront a lot of issues with respect to trust. The back story isn't really all that important [something I've grown to accept] but the emotions and effects of my life are.
Whenever I watch a really gory killer-psycho movie, I imagine myself as being fucked up enough to do something like that. Well, that needs some clarification. I think that normal people exposed to the same or similar sets of stimuli would be much more maladaptive than myself. Or maybe that's just a comfortable rationalization.
I've been trying to be more receptive to social aspects of life, but it's really difficult. I'm still not sure where I'll be staying this Sunday, and many people have made a point of getting back to me late, or not at all. Hi, I want to pay to live somewhere, so I have to scout out and remind people who should be professional enough to respond in a timely manner. Same shit different year, I suppose.
Summers have always been inexplicably difficult for me. I believe that I had a legitimate psychotic episode when I first moved to Decatur, but the really crazy people are generally unaware of their craziness: something that does not apply to myself. I hate the lack of mental stimulation, and stark drop in human interaction [from an already pretty minimal amount].
[insert abrupt end]

Millikin Forum Question

Hi, I wanted to submit a few questions in advance for the forum:

How much did the new computer-whiteboards cost in total (all of them, installed, shipped, etc.)?

Isn't it true that if we focused on what we really need like staff and teacher pay raises, tuition and housing cuts, scholarships, and outreach programs to the community, that our money would be more well-spent?

Don't computer-whiteboards seem like a silly way to spend money when we could be accomplishing so much more?

We could be giving away books to those who can't afford them here, creating more opportunities for those who cannot afford room and board to stay on campus [if one is SINCERELY concerned about creating a great experience for students and thinking that living on campus is a great way to learn and develop a community], or making more scholarships to help people get through these rough times.

For me, it boils down to this: We have students living in housing that was originally developed as temporary housing (the New Hall block), we have people who are being crushed by finances into living off campus [and we all know the Woods is outrageously expensive], we're cutting down the number of scholarships we're giving, we just experienced a 5% decrease in the MAP grant, the caf doesn't offer a balanced three meals on weekends, and we have people in the community who are starving and homeless. A computer-whiteboard just seems absolutely unnecessary at this point where there are MANY other things that Millikin could do with its money to make an actual difference in peoples' lives.

Sincerely,

James Farris

The Never-Ending Moment.

Hi, I'm James.
I'm nuts.
Life is weird.
I hate people.

     Be those as they may, I find myself under a lot of pressure. My CWRR II class is driving me insane, and not in a good way. It seems like I have no fucking clue which way is up, so I've pretty much counted the class as a loss already. I'm even considering dropping it and just taking it with Crow(e?) next spring.
     I've been finding that my new Philosophy has been helping me deal with some of the ignorant people out there. I just don't understand why you would be ignoring someone you're "friends" with...? Does that make sense, or am I just a sociopath? I feel like there are people who I shall not name specifically (that very fact irritates my guts) for their own privacy concerns who play mind games constantly. They don't know what the fuck is going on, so they pretend to know so, and then manipulate other people into fitting into their Psychotic world. This happens a lot. People are shaping paradigms around themselves as opposed to molding to the system that has been set before them. This can be both good and bad, but when you lose your respect for other agents, that's when things have gone too far.
     I can't wait to slave away on campus all Spring Break. Yay, honors program and double minor. Fml.

Hooray, things...

Well, it seems as if things are going well.
My undiagnosed eating thingy has been getting better. Two weeks ago, I was averaging 800 calories per day, and now I'm doing much better. It's kind of sick to think about all of the things that I had to learn to get to this point. The majority of my life skills come from trial and error.
My anxiety sometimes kicks in, but I think my anxiety is related to lack of life skills (no, not experiences). No one taught me how to eat well, dress well, shop well, or live well. I simply lived in this cave of rules and regs without anyone explaining the "why" part to me.
My lack of nutrition prowess has caused me GI upset for the past year, immune weakness, irritability, lack of energy, and many other things.
Now, I feel better than I ever had. I'm taking a multi-vitamin, off my Zoloft (for about three weeks now, and things are going great), and going to start an exercise plan as soon as my lungs heal.
Hoorah...
I don't like being pressured into flattering people.
I find out more information about the RA process tomorrow...
Options:
A. Do not get position
B. May get position: no info required
C. May get position: follow up interview required

Response:
A. Continue to explore ODU's presidential scholarship/Chillax
B. Chillax
C. Chillax

Stuff

Recently, I've been feeling very up in the air (as per normal).
I've met a few interesting gents recently, and I may have found someone with potential, but I have yet to meet him.
I feel very restricted in that I have to control my emotions so that other people...
You know what, I just don't fucking care.
It pisses me off when people hide from other people. It's very angring when someone who claims to want to be there for you and help support you steps out, or pretends not to know you anymore.
A terrible thing about the way we live is that evil people can leave their conscience behind, and somehow be able to live the image of an upstanding citizen.
You can trash someone, mistreat them, lie to them...and just pretend like nothing ever happened. People are fucking cruel out there.
I just feel like there is sometimes an inordinate amount of stuff on my mind, but part of my problems require action on a day to day basis.
For example, I did my CH203 Nutrition Portfolio, and discovered that I've been living in starvation mode. Hence, my skin problems, metabolic fluxes, digestive upheaval,  chronic infections, over-reactive inflammatory responses, and inability to react to known pathogens are all most likely a result of my poor diet. I was getting around 850 calories PER DAY in the past two weeks: and I thought I was eating well. I was genuinely trying, but when I crunched the numbers, I found that I need to take a different approach to eating as opposed to being "force fed" by myself every day.
Other issues in my life, be they financial, familial, emotional, psychological, educational, philosophical, etc. have been somewhat bombarding me, but it seems that this is life.
It's interesting how your own flesh and blood can turn on you and leave you standing in the rain. That's the kind of world we live in. GOOD, CHRISTIAN people who throw their own family members to the streets based on their sexual orientation and religious preferences. How in the HELL is that okay?

Xventing

Hello no one!
I have come here to dump my frustrations in the world.
Well, being the underdeveloped, underexposed being that I was a little more than a year ago, I ended up contributing to the many factors that caused a relationship to end. I'm able to live my  life and be happy and fulfilled, but I feel like this individual would kind of be like a bag of peanuts in my life of many foods. Peanuts are kinda timeless, but your whole life doesn't have to revolve around them.
Regardless of that notion, I have since grown much, and this individual has since grown much, but we are still geographically isolated from one another, isolated from one another by awkwardness, and potentially facing a Millikin-re-uniting fail due to a pending Presidential Scholarship in Virginia. Yay.
Anywho, it seems as if the evil and derping are still continuing. I look forward to helping heal many people, and possible teach, but it seems that in this world, I am destined to die alone and never completely self-actualized. Woop. Hahaha.

Derp

     Recently more than ever, I've been having original thoughts (for my brain, at least) that continue to buzz in my mind without any kind of exit. It seems like many of my opinions about Philosophy are accurate, but not popular. I feel the connection between myself and Socrates' "cave" allegory. I am enlightened, but when I come back to the darkness and shadows of this world, people call me a fool who stumbles.
     I only feel absolutely connected when I am talking to someone who is of a high intelligence level, such as myself. For instance, the most valuable social interaction I have had with anyone all semester long has been with Dr. Anne Matthews about such things that interest people such as ourselves. That has been the only time in a long time that I have felt like someone really, truly understood my point of view and the rationale I use to get there.
     My family, for instance, lacks the ability to communicate on a philosophical basis; therefore, rendering any communication about Philosophy as useful as "bullshit," according to my aunt.
     I feel like I don't know where I am going in that I don't know what to do with the masses who are imprisoned in the shadows, and think it crazy to escape. I am a person described in Socrates' "Myth of the Metals." It takes a special person to have lived as I have and somehow still be able to lead the academic pack.
     I apologize for the tangent. Anyway, I do not feel like I can leave the country in good conscience, as I see the way in which these people live. I know I need to do something about it, but blatant "damn REASON" [according to Mary aka Mollie Propheter, if that is indeed her name] obviously does not do the trick, and is usually observed as hostile. I refuse to submit myself to the overgrown appetites in this country, and consume myself to death such as the masses do, but my only other alternative is to engage in politics [which is corrupted to the point of no return save dismantling the government] or attempt to teach or identify people intelligent enough to learn Philosophy, and talk to them not only rationally but also kindly and see if they can save themselves from the darkness that is poor moral reasoning in our country. I think that is going to be my goal. Teaching at a university would not be unappealing to me, but I need to get out of this state before that will ever begin to happen.

Emotions

Sometimes when I do something wrong or I greatly offend someone, I feel like part of my being has been compromised. My break from my mom's crazy side of the family into humanistic atheism was a tough journey that is still not fully complete. I know I'll have a lot of religious garbage to put up with in the workplace.
Anywho, when I have done a "wrong" to someone that needed to be done, I feel like I cranked the action or inaction from some kind of volcano-like hole in my chest. It hurts badly, even when I know something needs to be done. As such, I do it anyway. I understand that truth is more important than "feeling good" (which is mostly ironic because I'm happy for the most part, anyway).
However, I feel like some of our american peers have grown very accustomed to the idea, perhaps in a way that is too accustomed. This is mainly present in hot issues like abortion or more appropriately, capital punishment. In my Philosophy class last semester, I did a paper on why the capital punishment method should not be used. I argued that unless it is found EMPIRICALLY that capital punishment deters more violent crime than life in prison without the possibility for parole, we should employ LIPW/OP in place of capital punishment as it would be FAIR to impose capital punishment, but not NECESSARY to society's safety, and could be DE-CIVILIZING, leading to a break-down in the mental health of the guards/"death teams." That, of course, is missing several high points of the argument, but such is life. Lol.
The Crazy Christians are using emotional appeals, appeals to tradition, and their "freedom of religion" to indoctrinate or ostracize their children. The Christian system should be put to rest as an organized movement. They are causing harm to our country, and I'm going to expose it.

Consumerism

Something politically and ethically relevant, but not much to do with a deity, is the amount that this country consumes. The United States is number one in the world for use of cocaine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_prevalence_of_cocaine_use) and has an even bigger methamphetamine problem (http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Meth_use_now_USA's_top_drug_problem,_survey_finds).
Being the supposed developed nation that we "are," I find those facts very disquieting. In fact, I think our system has long since collapsed. I believe that our government has grown too big, much like Americans themselves.
In our Constitution, a provision is made in which citizens are welcomed to dismantle a tyrannical government. The general public, however, is too sedated to do something so bold and ballsy. The problem is that in order to change the government, you'd need to change people's minds. I, however, recognize that this is where I fall short in my abilities. I'm not about to be burned to the stake like Socrates for "corrupting the youth." People are afraid of change, and it's because they're too busy stuffing their faces.
I like to examine our society from a different perspective. I like to image what Plato's "luxurious city" would look like, and how my country falls short to that standard. I believe that our government is a seriously degenerated version of what a society should function as.
74% of adults who are obese or overweight is an OBSCENE figure (2007), and it doesn't get enough attention [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obesity_in_the_United_States]. This nation is no longer the one that it once was. No one thinks for themselves or looks at another perspective. People are too afraid to think for themselves, because then they would be responsible, and hence susceptible to failure.
With rampant drug abuse and face-stuffing while others are starving or freezing on the streets, it is easy to see how this country is caught in its own red tape. People in the nuclear family become exclusive. The capitalist way of being is exclusive and cliquey. Groups of people, or cities exist, but very few communities proper. Instead of getting an education, or realizing that their defense mechanism (work, food, drugs, sleep, anger, alcohol, cigarettes) is slowly killing them, people wrap themselves into their own facade or "routine" for twenty or thirty years and then die.
The government itself does not set a very good example. Citizens are encouraged to reduce their credit card debt or refinance a mortgage, but what about the $14 trillion national deficit? Did no one stop and think at $1 trillion dollars, "well, maybe we need to stop spending so much," or is Congress just too coked out on their benefits, earmarks, and photo ops?
Furthermore, I have no respect for the person who is in our highest office. We have been trapped by the party system that just regurgitates the same last names and close friends or people with money through the offices and motions of politics. Each and every political candidate in that election spent millions of dollars on running for office. What if we gave that money to schools, or the homeless, or the broken healthcare system?
     "No, get out of our way, you godless heathen... We have golf to play and ponies to ride."
With the government putting themselves in massive amounts of debt with their spending addiction, we might have to foot the cost for rehab, too. Seriously, politics is not about the truth, or what policy is best for the people, but about ruling, making laws, and enjoying life on someone else's money.
The military get's the green light and decides to infiltrate every corner of the world, and they're happy doing who knows what to who knows who. Do you trust that EVERY soldier is good and would never do anything unethical? Some are nice and honorable, but the image of the "heroic soldier" has been fed to us so we will put up with the costs of war [this idea will be later developed].
Besides all of the signs and warnings, we have learned how to live sub-prime lifestyles, and, as Americans, self-medicate. Obesity is such a problem in America that the current generation's life expectancy, for the first time in a long time, folks, has gone down. We're literally eating ourselves to death while we run the rat race that is "routine" life, too sedated, blinded, and dumb to stand up and fight for freedom from oppressive government spending and regulation.

PS Interview Day

Well, today, I got to sit in on six student panel meetings and repeat myself 5,000 times. It was a lot of fun. SO much fucking fun, I almost strangled myself. One interesting point, however, is I found out how proud I was of our Honor's Program out here at Millikin University. Seriously, it kicks some serious ass. Even though I had to answer the same canned questions again and again, I found I grew more passionate about the subject matter, and really wanting to communicate not only the facts about the program, but also my feelings about it. I got more excited and engaged, and had a decent time doing panels. Some of the kids there...Oh Dear Non-Lord... I doubt half of them knew how to blink and speak at the same time. Talk about not being able to walk and chew gum. Holy Crap! There were some decent ones there, and I think I saw at LEAST one Presidential Scholar out there (somehow known by the nice Holly Gleason).
Anywho, right now I feel really betrayed by health services. I'm really going through a lot right now (as per usual) but my counselor has rescheduled the past few times always pushing back our appointment to a later date. The last time I went in to the office, she pretty much told me to leave and not come back without "due" cause, so I left.
I need some way of reaching out to something. I need to speak. I need to deal with my emotions. If I can't do it through counseling, then I'll just have to do it in my journal and here...
Anyway, my brother recently had a birthday, and I refused to acknowledge it. He has been very mean and cold lately. He made fun of me for being an atheist and says he's better than "some devil-worshiper!!" He merely acknowledged my birthday with a facebook "happy birthday," but took no interest in calling or seeing how I'm doing. I tried calling both him and my sister on Christmas to no success. I left my sister a message. No call back. A week later: still no call back. Two weeks later: I stopped caring.
This leads me for my atheist venting for the moment. If there was no kind of religion, I think that these things would mainly cease. People want to argue this point about Christian charity, but if people realized that charity exists independent of a god, then atheists could still be charitable people.
Another point I'd like to call attention to is how Christians who argue for a god's existence never do any thinking. In this case, I am talking about the typical bible-belt person. A typical, Timbuktu Christian does not read the Bible extensively, does not read atheist critiques, and is generally poorly educated and indoctrinized by religion and social custom as unchanging forces. This leads to staunch conservativism. The typical Suburban Christian, however, DOES read, but still doesn't think. My aunt is a great example. She uses canned arguments from a pastor who got the argument from doing a half-assed google search, or reads ONLY Christian materials that only reference faith and then two weeks and 200 pages later, you haven't learned anything pertinent to the existence of a deity.
Instead of calling Philosophy "bullshit" like my aunt (who is a licensed Physician), I think we should examine what Philosophy can do. I think this is mainly applicable to my favorite branch of Philosophy: Ethical and Moral Philosophy. It is critical thinking about the meaning of morality, leading theories of the origin of morality, and what it means to be moral. It also evaluates and analyzes moral and ethical theories. Philosophy uses the tools of logic and reason to come to a plausible conclusion as to the moral nature of a matter. How is that "bullshit"?
I think we need to better educate the younger children. There should not be schools cranking out drug dealers and racists. Philosophy should be a requirement. We need to raise the bar. We need to get people to THINK FOR THEMSELVES. I want people to be aware of what they are doing, why they are doing it, and the implications of doing as they do.
Is that so bad?

First Post

Well, instead of doing things in step and making a blog, naming it, etc. and then not using it for a week, I decided to make this blog where I can vent about life and such. Kind of like a diary which everyone COULD read, but no one would bother to, so it's pretty much both public and private information at the same time. I mean, I guess the government could potentially store this information and try to use it against me, but that's not going to stop me, so whatever.
I wouldn't call myself a conspiracy theorist, but rather I'm a realist. I understand what little there is to understand about politics: a bunch of overpaid people argue about shit that will never get solved in this fashion, and then go up for reelection, and the stupid partisan idiots keep re-electing the same people, and then complaining about it. Are people really THAT stupid?
Keeping the brokenness of our system in mind, I want to assess how Christianity has intruded on the normal person's life in the United States throughout my school blog. This, however, is a personal blog. One GOOD thing that the forefathers DID do was create provisionary clauses in the Constitution that we as citizens have a RIGHT to stand up to a tyrannical government. I do not intend to bomb things or make death threats, but rather use my right to free speech to rationally assess the health of this country and what we can do about it.
Throughout my blog, the thesis that I am trying to give forth is that Christianity has become far too involved in politics, news, elections, etc. and this is detrimental to our country and society's best interests.
Generally, I don't hate Christians, except the stupid or REALLY brainwashed ones. They just make me feel pity for them. The worst are the hypocrites, politicians, and those who cling to their beliefs out of fear. I would say that I especially cannot stand Christians who turn out their own sons and daughters to the streets because they are LGBTQ or of other religious beliefs, or none at all [namely, my family].
ETHICALLY, turning your children out of your home solely on sexual orientation or religious grounds is wrong, however, it is not legally well enforced. Regardless of religious beliefs, I would say that it is morally reprehensible to treat someone as a lesser being because of sexual orientation and a lack of religious beliefs. Even if you're too stupid to understand ethics, I think Jesus-God would think you "sinned" by treating someone that way. Jesus himself was around prostitutes and the like. By philosophical standards, it's wrong, and by your own religious standards, it's wrong, and yet people still do it and are not held socially reprehensible. That's just one of many problems that I think arise from organized religion.
More bitching later, Mon.