Hello, Hello

Feeling alive again...?
I guess I can't ever really commit to anything, which at this point includes school, too. I need to work on my legal brief for Appellate something fierce, but I just can't find the motivation. Judging by my partner putting off the meeting that she made the time for, I may not be the only one. I'm not a fan of how we've been required to write the legal brief versus arguing in class, but I think we may have found a solution.
Anyway, things are a mess as per usual, but judging by my track record, that doesn't seem to hold me back.
I always tell myself that things will get better after x amount of time or after I reach y goal, and I know that it's a common thing that people do to either lie to or motivate themselves, but it's vapid.
The differences between what I have come to conclude is right and what is actually going on in society at large seem to be growing alongside my experiences, knowledge, and exposure to the world and things around me. There is so much music that has been composed and stored that one person could not listen to all of it in a lifetime, yet how is one supposed to find direction in such a mass of information when you need information in order to tell you where to direct yourself? Maybe life begins on an assumption and then corrects itself in some kind of complex Boolean fashion until it orients itself appropriately (which, I argue, would never happen since there is an infinite amount of information, nonetheless systems of organizing the information, and subsets of said organized systems).
Everything is just a big ass mess.
and language sucks. [Fragment: consider revision]

Dear Miles,

This is an addition to my blog. Yay.
Recently, I've been having to confront a lot of issues with respect to trust. The back story isn't really all that important [something I've grown to accept] but the emotions and effects of my life are.
Whenever I watch a really gory killer-psycho movie, I imagine myself as being fucked up enough to do something like that. Well, that needs some clarification. I think that normal people exposed to the same or similar sets of stimuli would be much more maladaptive than myself. Or maybe that's just a comfortable rationalization.
I've been trying to be more receptive to social aspects of life, but it's really difficult. I'm still not sure where I'll be staying this Sunday, and many people have made a point of getting back to me late, or not at all. Hi, I want to pay to live somewhere, so I have to scout out and remind people who should be professional enough to respond in a timely manner. Same shit different year, I suppose.
Summers have always been inexplicably difficult for me. I believe that I had a legitimate psychotic episode when I first moved to Decatur, but the really crazy people are generally unaware of their craziness: something that does not apply to myself. I hate the lack of mental stimulation, and stark drop in human interaction [from an already pretty minimal amount].
[insert abrupt end]

Millikin Forum Question

Hi, I wanted to submit a few questions in advance for the forum:

How much did the new computer-whiteboards cost in total (all of them, installed, shipped, etc.)?

Isn't it true that if we focused on what we really need like staff and teacher pay raises, tuition and housing cuts, scholarships, and outreach programs to the community, that our money would be more well-spent?

Don't computer-whiteboards seem like a silly way to spend money when we could be accomplishing so much more?

We could be giving away books to those who can't afford them here, creating more opportunities for those who cannot afford room and board to stay on campus [if one is SINCERELY concerned about creating a great experience for students and thinking that living on campus is a great way to learn and develop a community], or making more scholarships to help people get through these rough times.

For me, it boils down to this: We have students living in housing that was originally developed as temporary housing (the New Hall block), we have people who are being crushed by finances into living off campus [and we all know the Woods is outrageously expensive], we're cutting down the number of scholarships we're giving, we just experienced a 5% decrease in the MAP grant, the caf doesn't offer a balanced three meals on weekends, and we have people in the community who are starving and homeless. A computer-whiteboard just seems absolutely unnecessary at this point where there are MANY other things that Millikin could do with its money to make an actual difference in peoples' lives.

Sincerely,

James Farris

The Never-Ending Moment.

Hi, I'm James.
I'm nuts.
Life is weird.
I hate people.

     Be those as they may, I find myself under a lot of pressure. My CWRR II class is driving me insane, and not in a good way. It seems like I have no fucking clue which way is up, so I've pretty much counted the class as a loss already. I'm even considering dropping it and just taking it with Crow(e?) next spring.
     I've been finding that my new Philosophy has been helping me deal with some of the ignorant people out there. I just don't understand why you would be ignoring someone you're "friends" with...? Does that make sense, or am I just a sociopath? I feel like there are people who I shall not name specifically (that very fact irritates my guts) for their own privacy concerns who play mind games constantly. They don't know what the fuck is going on, so they pretend to know so, and then manipulate other people into fitting into their Psychotic world. This happens a lot. People are shaping paradigms around themselves as opposed to molding to the system that has been set before them. This can be both good and bad, but when you lose your respect for other agents, that's when things have gone too far.
     I can't wait to slave away on campus all Spring Break. Yay, honors program and double minor. Fml.

Hooray, things...

Well, it seems as if things are going well.
My undiagnosed eating thingy has been getting better. Two weeks ago, I was averaging 800 calories per day, and now I'm doing much better. It's kind of sick to think about all of the things that I had to learn to get to this point. The majority of my life skills come from trial and error.
My anxiety sometimes kicks in, but I think my anxiety is related to lack of life skills (no, not experiences). No one taught me how to eat well, dress well, shop well, or live well. I simply lived in this cave of rules and regs without anyone explaining the "why" part to me.
My lack of nutrition prowess has caused me GI upset for the past year, immune weakness, irritability, lack of energy, and many other things.
Now, I feel better than I ever had. I'm taking a multi-vitamin, off my Zoloft (for about three weeks now, and things are going great), and going to start an exercise plan as soon as my lungs heal.
Hoorah...
I don't like being pressured into flattering people.
I find out more information about the RA process tomorrow...
Options:
A. Do not get position
B. May get position: no info required
C. May get position: follow up interview required

Response:
A. Continue to explore ODU's presidential scholarship/Chillax
B. Chillax
C. Chillax

Stuff

Recently, I've been feeling very up in the air (as per normal).
I've met a few interesting gents recently, and I may have found someone with potential, but I have yet to meet him.
I feel very restricted in that I have to control my emotions so that other people...
You know what, I just don't fucking care.
It pisses me off when people hide from other people. It's very angring when someone who claims to want to be there for you and help support you steps out, or pretends not to know you anymore.
A terrible thing about the way we live is that evil people can leave their conscience behind, and somehow be able to live the image of an upstanding citizen.
You can trash someone, mistreat them, lie to them...and just pretend like nothing ever happened. People are fucking cruel out there.
I just feel like there is sometimes an inordinate amount of stuff on my mind, but part of my problems require action on a day to day basis.
For example, I did my CH203 Nutrition Portfolio, and discovered that I've been living in starvation mode. Hence, my skin problems, metabolic fluxes, digestive upheaval,  chronic infections, over-reactive inflammatory responses, and inability to react to known pathogens are all most likely a result of my poor diet. I was getting around 850 calories PER DAY in the past two weeks: and I thought I was eating well. I was genuinely trying, but when I crunched the numbers, I found that I need to take a different approach to eating as opposed to being "force fed" by myself every day.
Other issues in my life, be they financial, familial, emotional, psychological, educational, philosophical, etc. have been somewhat bombarding me, but it seems that this is life.
It's interesting how your own flesh and blood can turn on you and leave you standing in the rain. That's the kind of world we live in. GOOD, CHRISTIAN people who throw their own family members to the streets based on their sexual orientation and religious preferences. How in the HELL is that okay?

Xventing

Hello no one!
I have come here to dump my frustrations in the world.
Well, being the underdeveloped, underexposed being that I was a little more than a year ago, I ended up contributing to the many factors that caused a relationship to end. I'm able to live my  life and be happy and fulfilled, but I feel like this individual would kind of be like a bag of peanuts in my life of many foods. Peanuts are kinda timeless, but your whole life doesn't have to revolve around them.
Regardless of that notion, I have since grown much, and this individual has since grown much, but we are still geographically isolated from one another, isolated from one another by awkwardness, and potentially facing a Millikin-re-uniting fail due to a pending Presidential Scholarship in Virginia. Yay.
Anywho, it seems as if the evil and derping are still continuing. I look forward to helping heal many people, and possible teach, but it seems that in this world, I am destined to die alone and never completely self-actualized. Woop. Hahaha.